Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
