if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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