i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
