WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
