you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
