Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize