Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She bit a glass in half.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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