I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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