Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
organizing the empties. That sober.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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