when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
