now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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