My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The cops high fived after they tackled you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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