i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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