don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize