To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
