my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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