All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
