girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
