so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
