I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
