How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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