Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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