It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
