He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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