Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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