let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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