Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
