Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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