The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
