I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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