At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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