apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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