No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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