Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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