I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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