I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
