I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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