Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
