OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
