Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
