dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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