I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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