OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
