you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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