So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize