im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
