I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Randomize