i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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