No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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