Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
