Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
