I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
