He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
