Is it because I queefed?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
