is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
