i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
