Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
