it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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