How'd it feel making her break her religion?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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