Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm getting married
To pizza
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Bring me that man meat
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
