I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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