I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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