if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
